Pacaran?

Now let us hold back a bit, and let me clarify a few things before I answer your question.

• No, I do not have deep understanding in Islam, hahaha, maybe deeper than some but less than so many others. The more I learn about Islam, the more small I feel, thus I must always be open to the posibility of myself being mistaken in my understanding, as well as the possibility of two contrast understandings being both correct (I dont want to fall in to the trap of riddiculous debates, e.g. is saying Merry Christmas halal or haram? hahaha). So this is just my humble opinion with what knowledge I have. May Allah guide me in writing this to provide the best answer.
• The time we live in is not the best time. The Prophet s.a.w. has predicted a time where Muslims will be ‘attacked’ from every side, despite being numerous but being weak (clearly not physically, but in aqidah). He also predicted that the first thing to collapse would be ‘government’, and the second would be ‘shalat’. As you see, we do not have a khilafah anymore, not even any islamic states (yep, Saudi is the worst of all if u ask me).
• We believe that the Quran is perfect, and the authentic hadith are also perfect. But, just like any legal system, you would need to interpret it in the proper context. Now any system could be interpreted in different ways e.g. compare the French and British understanding of “freedom of belief”. This exists also in Islam. These contemporary rulings are highly open to critics even within the framework of Islam, but going “you are kafir and you are deviant” is just not the way to go. Afterall, the true parameter of judgment is always whether we really believe in Allah as the only God or not (as taught in the bible, torah, and vedas). Everything else is just us piling up evidence that we really do believe. As said in the Quran and numerous hadith, Allah can forgive every sin except Shirk (when died upon), but you need to prove that you do have faith.

So here is the question:

Btw, aku wondering, menurutku the idea of Islamic teaching kok absurd banget yah. Larangan pacaran, ato deket dengan lawan jenis before they’re ready to get married. Kalo anak kecil yang idealis di agama tumbuh dengan konsep itu, dia nya otomatis akan terasingkan karna kebanyak teman-nya tidak seperti itu walo agamanya sama2 Islam. Dan bahkan ajaran yang nyuruh kita agar menganggap dunia ini asing. Every basic human need that makes a human happy and grow di opress semua. Romantic relationship, playing music (strings etc), art (painting etc – any living things), and even weakness kayak di encouraged. Even as teenager when you experience love, rasa bersalah akan muncul di orang2 yang take religion seriously. Padahal hal2 kayak gitu harusnya normal, bukan cuma di manusia aja. Happiness actually simple but religion makes it too complicated. Tapi if taking religion in moderation, emang gak akan bermasalah sih. Whats your take on pacaran? If you were to start a new life – going back to earlier life being the now fajri with your deep knowledge about islam – would you choose to obey the rules of no pacaran or would you still think that it’s okay to do so etc? I mean, soalnya aku liat akhwat2 yang dulu satu kosan yang umurnya juga udah tuwa kayak kita, masih pada gak realistik mereka.

These are my answers, firstly I will go generally, then I will answer your specific question, inshaaAllah:

1. I am happy you know “taking religion in moderation”. In many Quran verses and hadith, we are prohibited to take the extreme (but of course it should be still within the rules). We must go in the middle. Im glad we got that clear, and Im even more grateful that it was you that mentioned it.
2. Maybe the concept of “restriction of good stuffs” would be hard to understand if seen as an isolated thing. We believe in the afterlife, and that this life is just a test, but its not that there are no splendours in this life. Really, despite all those that you mention, it would be mad to say that there are not enough reasons to be happy, but ‘patience’ is indeed a big test (some references: Surah Al Hadid v20, Surah Al Baqarah v.153 and 155-157, and Surah Ar Rahman in its entirity)
3. They wont feel guilty if they had strong faith. Surely, Allah will reward them with what is better. The Prophet s.a.w. in an authentic hadith tells us that if we leave something for Allah, then Allah will replace it with better (emphasize on the “for Allah” more than the “leave something”
4. About “friends doing stuff”. Yes, this is a hard situation indeed. Allah and His Messenger teaches us that this is part of the tests. That is why it is best to gather with friends who enjoin us in goodness instead of otherwise.
5. Emm, I must respectfully disagree that what you mention are “basic needs”. The basic needs maybe would be love, relaxation, beauty, etc. But how do we satisfy them? This is where we need to reevaluate, and take in mind both the big picture in point 2, and that we must take religion in moderation as per point 1
6. Before I answer your specific question on “pacaran”, I would like to mention that I dont think the other things you mention are prohibited. Musical instruments, art, are not prohibited, but they have limitations. On musical instruments, one must beware of haram lyrics, and on art, only natural artwork of human and animal sculpture are prohibited. I cant imagine someone going “OMG I am depressed because I cant make a self-potrait of myself”. This type of artist would be depressed anyway, I guess, hahaha

1. Now on pacaran, I dont think it is forbidden per se. What is forbidden would be the unlawful relations between unmarried men and women. Some go to an extreme on not interacting at all with their opposite sex, while others just screw it (and screw people). As we have made clear, we must take religion (in islam, then its “everything”) in moderation.
2. Now it is important to see the issue of pacaran not isolatedly, but in a bigger one. I guess you may understand already how important the family unit is in a social structure, no need to elaborate on that. Now when pacaran goes far enough that it goes all about sex and everything, has many drawbacks. Long story short, the whole idea is about how one appreciates women (and men), and in the more holistic picture, to appreciate the institution of marriage. Now this would go along to many many other aspects, like why we need marriage and other stuff, but that was not the point of your question and also the answer will be excruciatingly long.
3. So in essence, I think pacaran is okay, so long as one understands the purpose and limits as well.
4. Purpose, I guess, I dont know what is in pacaran that is better than marriage, except the fact that you can technically gonta ganti as much as you want (although no, its not that easy buat gonta ganti pacar seenaknya, at least not for everyone, hahaha). This would go deeper about marriage, which we could discuss another day. But in essence, I think even if pacaran is done, it should be aimed to lead to marriage plans.
5. Now I understand how nice it is to be in company with one that you love. But one must be really careful not to end up doing all the bad stuff. It is painful, especially for the woman as well as generally in the family unit(s) within the holistic social structure. And especially in our culture, it may be a bit extra worrying, dont you think? Now in avoiding these stuff, there are various ways. Some go to the extreme (either go totally away, or just screw em). So, I think a moderation is important.
6. Plus, another thing that is important to remember, is how the social structure we live in today makes it harder and harder to get married early. So many pressure all around us (and from within as well). So, yeah, things get more complicated.

I hope this answers your questions J